Wow. You guys are paying attention.
I didn't expect any response to my last post. I thought it might be just uncomfortable enough that everyone would pretend they didn't see it. But the reaction was so far the opposite of that...two online comments, a personal email (to me as well as to The Poet) and three phone follow-ups. (Sure, some bloggers have thousands of readers and generate ad revenues, but...) I've got friends. The good kind.
Upon closer inspection (of me) it looks like there are more parts of understanding how to be in a loving relationship that I didn't even know that I didn't know. Like that conflict doesn't spell out the end of all things good and pure. My favorite way of dealing with conflict has always been to ignore it. I mean, what's better than that? To just pretend nothing bad ever happened and let it go away. AWESOME, I tell you! You should try it sometime.
I wasn't in counseling long...eight, maybe ten sessions...and I'm pretty sure I accepted the ultimate demise of my marriage and stopped seeing her before we covered my inability to face potential conflict. So I went on my merry way, got divorced, and before I knew it, found myself smack-dab in the middle of a real relationship -- with no real relationship skills in my arsenal! Well...I am fiercely loyal (good dog) and I can bake a cherry pie, but I'm pretty sure those aren't going to get me terribly far (though they did once get me far, terribly).
So last week, throughout the ebb and flow of our strife, I forced myself to communicate. I had to share my feelings, understand his, be open to compromise, look within myself, apologize, be patient, and most of all, continue to love. I knew this deserved my very best. The Poet is a magnificent person with more love to give than anyone I have ever known. His spirit is pure and he has a kindness about him that is honorable. Plus, he's darn good-looking and dances with me when our song plays.
The Poet and I finally saw each other on Monday. It had been a full week since our gazes last met. Seven days of chemistry tests, his sick child, money woes, an appearing ex-, and numerous other pieces of life that beat one down. And when he opened his door and welcomed me back into his home, I melted. Our eyes fixed upon one another and we shared a long embrace, understanding there will always be work to do, but more importantly, we will always have each other.
So just as quickly as I put a little maybe-asterisk beside our "forever," I will now take it off. With all of the beauty he and I have shared, all of the amazing signs pointing us in the same direction and all of the impromptu dances, there's nothing that could convince me that we are not meant to be together. Forever**.
** I really mean it this time.