Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The End

As you likely surmised, The Poet and I are no longer signed on for Forever**. A beautiful love story for the most part, a hidden truth early in our bliss overshadowed many of our remaining days. I hoped to rebuild the trust I had lost, but toward the end, the transgression became insurmountable.

I hurt The Poet. Our breakup was mutual, but I think more of the pain has fallen on his heart.

Am I calloused? Maybe. Not ready for a happily ever after? Probably. Wish him all of the happiness in the world? Absolutely.

I've been looking closely at me these days and the flaws I'm discovering are fascinating. Part of my self-discovery was spurred by observing myself giving something away -- something quite precious to me -- in an attempt to "fix" a problem. I gave up a friend. After I did this, I stepped back from my actions and had to ask myself what else I was willing to relinquish in order to maintain my relationship.

Full disclosure here (more of that darn honesty)...the friend was Wasabi. The broken trust...a fifteen minute clandestine catch-up. Now, Wasabi and I have been in friends-only mode since last September, but I can imagine that with the blog trail I left chronicling our enchantment and subsequent friendship might give pause to many a suitor. Sensing The Poet's discomfort with our banter, I asked Wasabi for some space. And he honored that. He reached out to see if we could resume our friendship a couple of months later and that began the tailspin that was the beginning of the end.

Without turning this into the entire history of my mostly-lovely romance, I'll just mention that I am learning to be truer to myself, only willing to compromise what is worthy of compromise. A bad habit? Absolutely. A minor annoyance? I'll give it a whirl. Portabellos for morels? It'll be tough, but sure. A friend? Never again.

1 comment:

Chgoest said...

I told Page at spinning class yesterday about your breakup and she pulled a sad face and wished you well. So sorry! Eat some dark chocolate today.

39 starts the process of self reflection and an inner glimpse of your life to see what the future may hold. Mid-life crisis? Not just for men.....ladies are afflicted too...