I could blame it on the events of the past week, but I'm going to be honest here. I've been on the verge of tears for a solid month...maybe longer.
School. Sigh. Each class has its share of stressors, but it's Wednesday afternoon -- Senior Dietetics Seminar -- that kicks my arse every week. Sure, there's a gigantor term paper and presentation due soon, but what gets me is the whole "growing up" thing that I'm faced with every seven days. Now, I adore my instructor. I understand that this is not the consensus among my classmates, but I really do dig her. She is incredibly intelligent, has an occasional sense of humor (which I enjoy tremendously because it's a surprise treat when it pays a visit) and holds great expectations for each and every one of us. But each week we are faced with the realities of the career we've chosen and the seemingly impossible internship upon which it hinges, and each Wednesday my drive home (and it's a long one, folks) is filled with negative thoughts and self doubt.
Anyway...(I recognize that I have a propensity to ramble), back to the tears...so...this morning the kids didn't have school nor did I. My Friday is usually a catch-up-with-school and volunteer-work day (I just remembered that I forgot to go to my volunteer gig. Ugh.) So we were all hanging out and eating and chatting when I decided to finally read a couple of links that Spinning Marcy sent to me after last weekend's not marathon. The kids are in the kitchen, buzzing about this and that while I'm reading the chronicle of a woman (who loves food and running) who ran the Chicago Marathon last weekend with a few of her friends. And before I knew it, I was crying. I hid it for a bit until one of the kids asked me a question and I couldn't speak. I then started weeping, trying to explain to them what had gotten me started.
Even when I'm out running, when I visualize crossing that finish line after trekking 26.2 miles, I get teary. Heck, when I ran the two half-marathons, I got a little choked up when I realized I was part of a massive crowd of fabulous fit folk capable of shutting down a city for a morning.
Admittedly, the crying thing has been coming for awhile and I'm pretty sure I still have a solid 30 minute bawl sometime in the near future, but I think that tomorrow, along with my Gu and Snickers Marathon Bar, I'll tuck a hankie into my running belt. With 12,000 likely participants, I'll probably be moved to tears before Mark and I make it into the parking lot.
And I really feel like I should warn my professor before our one-on-one meeting next Tuesday that tears will be part of the package.