Friday, November 11, 2011

Biennial Review

Waaay back in the days of working at the thrift shop during the time I was contemplating the demise of my marriage, I recall a conversation with Concert Katrina in which she asked what I desired in a future mate.
"He needs to have a job," I said.
"What else?"
"That's it. A steady job. That's my only requirement."
"You have to want more than that. You need to figure it out and write it down so that you don't settle for less than you deserve," she insisted.
Well, it took me a couple of major romantic flops before I scribbled down a few requests. [Exactly] two years ago, I spent a pensive day composing a post that outlined what I expected from my next relationship. I had just exited a dangerous liaison and wanted to have some words that I could glance at to remind me of what I demanded in my next love. Admittedly, I had a certain fella in mind when I wrote these words, but as I told him after he read the blog post that I had also "kept my thoughts open to another unknown special someone." If I learned only one thing through all those years of love and heartbreak, it was that I had to keep my options (and my heart) available to all possibilities.

Luckily, it was only a few days later that Mark and I decided to give it a go and haven't looked back. As I glance through this letter, I see that what I've got is just what I wanted out of what I definitively declare to be a great love.

And just so I can make this post look longer and save you from digging two years it is.

An Open Letter to my Next Great Love

Dear Mr. Right,

I'm sure you have been wondering when I would come along. You've been living a good life for some time now. You are a wonderful person with tremendous love for your family and friends. You are complete on your own, but feel a tug toward a giving, loving relationship. And here I am. A like-minded spirit who longs for the same partnership. We are not the same, but we are not a case of "opposites attract" either. Our full lives leave just enough room for each other.

A little about me...I am not perfect, but I'm damn good. I am loving. I am smart. I am strong. I am beautiful. I am funny. If you do not believe these to be true, then this letter is not addressed to you. By societal standards, I might not meet any of these metrics, but for you, I give more love than you knew possible. To you, I am impressively intelligent. Because of you, I can move mountains. In your eyes, there is no greater beauty. With you, I laugh like no other.

And you are the most handsome, charming, witty delightful fellow I'll ever know. The mere thought of you brings a smile to my face. Your presence brings me comfort when I feel the world collapsing on me. You are my rock. If you don't believe these things about yourself then this note is not intended for you.

I have no desire to change you and you must not wish to change me. I will not surrender my sense of self. I will not give away those things that make me Me. Yet I am not stagnant. I will continue to grow in the way my heart directs. You will continue to grow in the way your heart directs. And if this essay was written to you, our hearts will move forward together.

I have much to offer, and am open to receive as well. Despite the fullness of my life, there is a void that only you will fill. And we might not recognize our love immediately. This could very well take time. We will learn each other, ourselves and us. Only then will we know that this message was meant for you. Parts of our lives will mesh seamlessly, others not so easily. But obstacles will pale in the light of our love. I have quirks and flaws. So do you. These will sometimes grate nerves, but more often than not, they will be overlooked or even embraced. We each love the other's whole self.

Our lives will be filled with more laughter than tears, more joy than pain, more love than doubt. And lots of music and dancing and kisses and hugs.

Because we are meant to be, when you are ready, I will be too. I will not be impatient while you find your way to me. I have much to do, continuing to grow and learn and teach and be. For now, I will live my life, and you, yours. Sometime, somewhere, our paths will cross. When they do, it will be an extraordinary union, for we are both extraordinary people and together we will build an extraordinary life.

Thank you for your time, my truest love. I look forward to the day we meet.

Your next great love